i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
