I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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