I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.