new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.