bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while