you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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