Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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