I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
