Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
