You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
