I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
