We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
