why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
