You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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