we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
