i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
