Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
