i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
