I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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