just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize