I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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