I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
