Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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