I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
