this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
