i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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