1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The ass gains better be worth it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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