Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize