good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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