Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
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