I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
