after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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