I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
