I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize