You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
