Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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