i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
