Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
