i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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