Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
