You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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