i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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