There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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