both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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