shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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