He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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