The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
