she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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