The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
