Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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