I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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