Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
