I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
