Umm I'm too high to move.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
