my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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