why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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