He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
