i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
