I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Welp...herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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