You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
