She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sext me about skeletons
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
