do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
