He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
