So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
