i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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