When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Holy sore nipples Batman
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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