i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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