giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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