Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
