Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
