I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
