Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
